Locked Out of the “Smart” Zoo: The Adventures of Tennessee Tuxedo

[“amazon locks man out of smart home devices over racist, black driver's racism hoax (revised).”]

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
thursday, june 15, 2023 at 1:48:00 a.m. edt

The Adventures of Tennessee Tuxedo (for anyone who enjoyed the old Saturday morning cartoons).

Chumley the Walrus: Duheee, Tennessee, how are we going to get back in our home at the zoo—we’re locked out by that brand new security device.

Tennessee: Never fear. It must be a temporary programming error by the manufacturer of that contraption. WOULD YOU BELIEVE, Chumley, I think YOU have a higher IQ than that so called “smart device”?

Chumley: Duheee—really? (As he walks into the only “Walrus trap” in the city.)

Tennessee: Well, on second thought...maybe not. HERE—let me help you get out of that thing. After you’re free from this trap, we must go see Professor Whoopee—he’ll know what to do. Tennessee Tuxedo WILL NOT FAIL.

(And the two of them made their way across the city to the laboratory of one Phineas J. Whoopee, where they knocked on his half-opened door.)

Tennessee: Professor Whoopee? (A slight amount of smoke was in the room.)

Whoopee: Oh, hello, you two—don’t mind the foul air—Canadian wildfires—what brings you to this side of New York?

Chumley: I forget (cough).

Tennessee: It’s because—Chumley—we’ve been electronically locked out of our zoo quarters.

Whoopee: Oh (laughs), you mean a smart security system?

Tennessee: Except it ISN’T—smart, that is. We’re supposed to be in there and no matter what we do, it denies our password.

Whoopee: Wellll, that is a tough one for sure. What’s the password?

Tennessee: Do not Admit—that’s what zookeeper Stanley Livingston told us it was.

Whoopee: Ahhh, your zookeeper apparently is the problem. What do you say, we change HIS password? I know a tech expert named Musk. He’ll fix things for you in five minutes.

Tennessee: Fineas J. Whoopee—you’re the greatest!

(And sure enough, when they got back to the zoo, they got in, but zookeeper Livingston could not get out of his office.

Stanley: I know you're behind this, Tennessee Tuxedo!

Tennessee: Relax, Stanley. As soon as you deliver some hamburgers and steaks to us for a couple days, we’ll tell you the new password.

Stanley: DRAT! Double Drat! All right.

The end

--GRA