Thursday, October 11, 2012

Some Modest Advice to Paul Ryan, if He Really Wants to Beat Joe Biden Tonight

By Nicholas Stix

I won’t be watching tonight’s vice-presidential debate, because I have more fun things to do, like stick needles in my eyes, but I do have a few tips for Republican candidate Paul Ryan.

Biden, being Biden, is going to lie and smear, and if Ryan wants to beat him, he will have to pound right back.

Ryan could start out by saying, “What a pleasure it is to go up against an opponent like Vice President Biden, who is “articulate and bright and clean.” Of course, that is how Vice President Biden once referred to the President.”

At another juncture, Ryan could say, “The Obama-Biden ticket plans to put y’all back in chains. Oops, I’m sorry, Joe, that slavery imagery is your ticket, isn’t it?”

Early on, Biden will tell a whopper. Ryan might toss back something like, “Joe, that’s about as true as that speech you stole from British politician Neil Kinnock about your coal mining background.”

“That was a shame, wasn’t it, the way your egregious plagiarism destroyed your presidential campaign in 1988?”

“I certainly hope your comments tonight haven’t been plagiarized from Neil Kinnock, or any other politicians.”

But I doubt very much that Ryan will go for the jugular. After all, he’s a respectable Republican, and God save us from them!

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