Saturday, July 09, 2011

Tolerant, Open-Minded Gays Go Berserk over Chick Fil-A’s Cow Appreciation Day 2011 Promo: Are They All Closet Chickens?



By Nicholas “Moo” Stix

The Chick Fil-A restaurant chain’s symbol (see above), is a cow asking people to eat more chicken. Get it? Don’t eat me.

The chain put on a promotion yesterday whereby anyone who came dressed head to hoof as a cow would get a full free meal, and anyone in partial bovine dress would get a free entrée. Sounds innocuous enough, no? And a good time was had by all?

Not all. Tolerant homosexual trolls took over the L.A. Times comments section, denouncing Chick Fil-A, because its owner, S. Truett Cathy is—get this—a Christian, and thus does not support same-sex marriage.

Well, some of my best friends are Christians—I liked one so much, I married her—and I love (or is it hate? This love/hate stuff is so confusing) both cows and chickens, so I am not going to discriminate against Mr. Cathy. After all, you can’t eat fried or rotisseried homosexuals in America, not yet, anyway, and who knows what they taste like? (I’ll have to ask my imam for guidance on such issues.) But I’ve yet to even come across one of these restaurants selling such supposedly delicious chicken sandwiches.

As one apparent bovine poster pointed out, if the homosexual posters hate Chick Fil-A so much, they ought to be urging everyone to take advantage of the free offer.

Remember when homosexuals were considered to be witty and full of irony? No more, because none of them got the joke. A few examples of lavender wisdom follow.

o Shęldon Hęlms

You "disagree" with it? That makes no sense. To disagree with something means that it has made a statement. Homosexuality does not make any statement; it simply exists. In your fury (ALL CAPS, NO LESS), you have used "disagree" instead of "disapprove." And frankly, no one in this world could care less about your approval. Who are YOU to approve or disapprove? You're just some woman who, purely by chance, was born into the United States in the 20th century. As such, you were taught a specific religion called Christianity, and like the fool that you are, ended up believing it. If you'd been born somewhere else on the planet, you may have been taught that Allah or the Buddha was the way to go. If you'd been born in a different time, you would have been instructed to follow the tenets of one of the other made-up gods. It saddens me that you equate gays with immorality. Morality comes from how people treat each other, not from whom they are sexually attracted to. After all, you appear to be obese, but you managed to get some guy to have sex with you. The very idea sickens me to my core, but I'd hardly call you "immoral" for trying to get some action.

• Bob Beecher • Top Commenter • Emergency & Safety Manager at Para Los Niños

Chick-Fil-A has a policy to discriminate against gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender people. DON'T give them any business until they change their ways.

o Mike Hein

Gays love chicken. Get the Jesus out of the Jesus chicken!

o Mike Hein

When someone finds out you're gay, and they're a Krazy Kristian, they'll pray you weren't and sometimes they'll shoot you with a gun. So much for keeping things secret!

* * *

There’s much, much more, but I’ll spare you.

Some chicken-loving—or is it cow-loving and chicken-hating?—readers riposted as follows:

o Kirk Davis • Citadel

Sheldon- You've commented several times about your disdain for Christianity. We get it. Please stop commenting and Get. A. Life.

o James Ellis • Murchison, Texas

@ Kirk bashing intolerate people is his lifestyle it seems, how else will he get us to be as tolerant as he is!

o Chris Tune • Van Nuys, California

(To Bob Beecher) What discrimination are you talking about? The company has repeatedly denied having any such policy. The reason this myth arose, is because one of their locations catered a group which DOES do that sort of discrimination, and because the company owners are Christian. I heard the owner personally state on the radio that he LOVES all human beings, and does not hate gays. He seems to be of the belief that the bible tells him to love everyone.

o Jeff Rickels Sr • Account Manager at Diversey, Inc.

#i) I don't care. I'm not gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender (and by the way, aren't all those things just plain gay? Why the distinction between gay, lesbian, bi?). #2) They close on Sundays which is unheard of in this day of money grubbing greediness. #3) Their chicken sandwiches rule! #4) Well, I can't think of a number 4 but did I mention their chicken sandwiches??

* * *

By the way, did I ever tell you the poignant tale of the cow that once fell in love with me in West Germany? Or the other West German cow—the bovines were very nationalistic over there, even if the people weren’t—with whom I had a deep personal friendship? Oh, but in a time of anti-gay terror by Jesus chicken, who can wax nostalgic in remembrance of cows past?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Their chicken sandwiches are outstanding sir! The chargrilled chicken is my personal fave, though their closure on Sunday I do find annoying. One thing I find humorous in all of this gay ranting and Christian bashing is the expressed like for Islam. They clearly have no idea what homosexuality is like in the Islamic world and are completely unaware of the danger.