By Grand Rapids Anonymous
wednesday, october 8, 2025 at 3:12:00 p.m. edt
Ex-wife of real-life “wolf," Ted Kennedy--Joan Kennedy--dies at 89"
“boston (ap) — Joan B. Kennedy, the former wife of sen. Edward M. Kennedy who endured a troubled marriage marked by family tragedies, her husband’s infidelities and her own decades-long struggles with alcoholism and mental health, died on wednesday. she was 89.
“the former Joan Bennett, one of the last remaining members of a family generation that included President John F. Kennedy, was a model and classically-trained pianist when she married Ted Kennedy in 1958.
“their lives would change unimaginably over the next decade and a half. brother-in-law John F. Kennedy was elected president in 1960 and assassinated three years later. brother-in-law Robert F. Kennedy served as attorney general under JFK, was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1964 and assassinated while seeking the presidency.
“her husband was elected to the U.S. Senate and became among the country’s most respected legislators [dubious] despite initial misgivings that he was capitalizing on his family connections. but Ted Kennedy also lived through scandals of his own making. in 1969, the car he was driving plunged off a bridge on chappaquiddick island, killing his young female passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne.
“Kennedy, who swam to safety and waited hours before alerting police, later pleaded guilty to leaving the scene of an accident. chappaquiddick shadowed him for the rest of his life, weighing against his own chances for the presidency
.
“Joan Kennedy had three children with her husband, but also had miscarriages, including one shortly after the chappaquiddick accident [miscarriage, or abortion?]. she stood by her husband through the scandal, but their estrangement was nearly impossible to hide by the time of his unsuccessful effort to defeat President Jimmy Carter in the 1980 Democratic primaries. they had been separated by then, and would later divorce. one bumper sticker from the campaign read 'Vote for Jimmy Carter, Free Joan Kennedy.'”
“Joan Kennedy is survived by her two sons, nine grandchildren, a great-grandchild and nearly 30 nieces and nephews. her daughter, Kara, died in 2011.
--GRA
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AFTERLIFE DATING GAME WITH TED KENNEDY AND HOST DON RICKLES
Rickles:Welcome to my latest show,"The Afterlife Dating Game". I'm hosting because,what else do I have to do until Carson gives me a call? And I'm looking for loser broads who don't get selected on this show--I'm kidding,Barbara.
Let's meet our bachelorettes. Number one is Joan Kennedy,#2 is Mary Jo Kopechne and #3 is Helga Wagner.Let's meet our bachelor right now.
(music plays)
Our first contestant is a former Senator from Massachusetts and in his last few years on Earth,got to be almost as large--girthwise--as the entire state,welcome Ted Kennedy.
Kennedy:Uhh,thank you,Don.
Rickles:You have three unattached women on the other side of the cloud partition. You ask questions and then choose who you want to go on a date with--uhh wait a minute,bachelorettes numbers 1 and 2 just walked off the stage.
Kopechne:Drunken murderer!
Joan Kennedy: Cheater and murderer!Goodbye!
Kennedy:Err uhh,who's left?
Rickles:Helga Wagner,it says on my card.
Kennedy:My MISTRESS? What kind of lousy game is this? I can boink her anytime.
Wagner:Not TODAY,I'm leaving too.
Rickles:How about dating the host,Helga?
Wagner:Get lost.
Rickles:I'll put that down as a "yes''. Good night everyone and may all your dates have a little afterlife to them. Good night.
END
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