See More of The Afterlife Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy March of Dimes Telethon, Featuring Phyllis Diller, Exclusively at WEJB/NSU

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
monday, september 1, 2025 at 9:43:00 a.m. edt

(six hours later)

Phyllis Diller: I promise--here's my last joke: For the looongest time, I always thought Labor Day was started to commemorate women giving birth. In MY case, that wasn't the "labor"--it was trying to convince my husband, Fang, to give up the goods, so I could GET pregnant...ha...ha...ha! Thanks, everyone.

Jerry: A six-hour comedy set from Phyllis Diller, that has to be a record.

Rickles: Is it over yet? I digested that half a cookie you gave me, Jer--where's the bathroom?

Jerry: Around the corner--I think Mama Cass is using it right now.

Rickles: I'll NEVER get in there.

Jerry: Go ahead, Ed, what's our NEW total?

Ed: Let's roll it--STILL 900 zillion dollars--not one dollar added while Phyllis was on for six hours.

Jerry: Let's cut to our local stations--maybe THEY can get us to 1 gajillion dollars. Back in ten minutes.

Ed: Stay tuned to the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. Coming up: Red Buttons, Bob Newhart, Suzanne Somers, Rip Taylor, and no more Phyllis Diller. Because if you miss even a little bit of the show, you never know what you're going to miss.

--GRA

Note from the producers: Tony Orlando and Dawn were scheduled to appear, but refused to die, and were therefore cancelled.