By Prince George's County Ex-Pat
thursday, january 8, 2026 at 09:29:38 a.m. est
"salt lake mayor releases statement about fatal shooting outside ward meetinghouse"
https://kutv.com/news/local/fbi-salt-lake-field-office-releases-statement-on-mass-shooting-at-lds-meetinghouse
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Mayor Mendenhall statement:
"First, I want to express my deepest condolences to the victims of tonight’s shooting. This tragedy never should have happened, but the fact that it happened outside a place of worship during a celebration of life is especially heartbreaking.
"I’ve been in constant contact with our police department leadership throughout the evening and have full faith that their investigation will bring the suspects to justice. I’m grateful for the swift response of our 911 dispatchers, police, and fire personnel, as well as the support of multiple law enforcement agencies."
After reading this at a presser,the mayor took said statement,walked to her office,then to a large filing cabinet,opened the compartment that had the letters,"CMM" and placed the sheet of paper in a folder marked "Church Mass Murders".
She then told her transgender secretary, Lucille Balls,"that one's always a winner. We have so many pre-written statements for every occasion,I didn't know whether to go with that one or open file PMMO-- "Post Mass Murder(Optimistic)":
"We're thankful that more weren't killed in this attack. For that,we are grateful..."
Or the SOS--"Stern Overbearing Statement":
"We will not tolerate murder in our city..."
Look,we even have one--"rabid raccoon attacks family in woods(over five dead)":
"The unusual circumstances of this tragedy do not diminish our sorrow for the
loss of life. We will work harder to find these disease filled critters so that families can visit our forests without fear."
Way to speak from the heart,mayor.
--GRA
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