Springfield, The Simpsons, and Haitian Dognappers

[“Dog Eat Dog (Graphic Humor).”]

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
saturday, september 14, 2024 at 3:26:00 a.m. edt

Homer Simpson: Where’s our dog, Marge—what’s his name, again?

Marge: I haven’t seen Santa’s Little Helper since I let him out this morning, Homie.

(Homer goes outside)

Homer (loud voice): Santa’s Little Helper...come here, boy—before I forget your name again.

Flanders: Hey neighbor, if you’re looking for your pooch, I believe I saw him getting picked up by the Haitian Dog Pound.

Homer: The Haitian Dog Pound—here in Springfield? Something smells fishy about that.

Flanders: Sorry, Homer, there weren’t any fish—just dogs getting scooped up. Gotta go, good luck on finding your four-legged friend.

Homer: Bart, Lisa! We have to start a search party to find Santa’s Little Helper. I think something terrible has happened—he was picked up by the Haitian Dog Pound.

Lisa: Dad, there's no such thing—that’s a fake government agency.

Homer: Ain’t they all? I mean, just look at the justice department and the fbi.

Bart: Look—there he is, running out of that open gate down the street!

Lisa: He’s covered in barbeque sauce!

Homer: Mmmm, barbeque sauce. Come here, boy.

(dog jumps in Homer’s arms)

Bart: That house is where a bunch of Haitians moved in a week ago.

Lisa: And the dog pound truck is parked in the driveway.

City manager (walks up to the Simpsons): Whatever you thought you saw is not true—and if you claim otherwise, you’ll be charged with a hate crime.

Homer: DOH! Stupid, woke, city manager. Maybe if we post our story on NSU, we can get the truth out.

Marge voiceover: And that’s just what we did. Thanks, Mr. Stix.

The end

--GRA