Samuel L. Jackson and Jussie Smollett, in a Remake of Sanford and Son

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
Thursday, March 10, 2022 at 12:16:00 P.M. EST

Next—a remake of Sanford and Son—with these two.

Admit it, you could see such a show.

Call it Scamford and Son.

Lamont: “Hey, pops.”

Fred Scamford: “Don't pops me—while I was eating my breakfast of ripple and corn flakes, I read in the newspaper that you were arrested for pretending you got beat up by a White gang. A WHITE GANG? When’s the last time you saw a White gang anywhere? You a big dummy.”

Lamont: “Well at least the junkyard’s getting some publicity.”

Fred: “And you're gettin’ even dumber by the second. Not only are you dumb—but you is a fruitcake, too.”

(Fred walks to his chair and sits down.)

Fred: “One billion sperm in my system and the one that impregnates your mother had to be the one that was light in the loafers. I KNEW I should have gone on Maury Povich for a paternity test—I’ll bet everything I own, I’m NOT the father.”

Lamont: “Okay pops, that fake assault was a bad idea, but I’ve got a good one—how about I hang a noose in our junkyard and tell the police Whites did it.”

Fred: “A big, queer DUMMY.”

--GRA