It’s Part II of The Afterlife Tonight Show, Hosted by Johnny Carson, with Ed McMahon, and Guest Star Bob Newhart, also with Suzanne Pleshette and Don Rickles!

[“It’s The Afterlife Tonight Show, Hosted by Johnny Carson, with Ed McMahon, and Guest Star Bob Newhart, also with Suzanne Pleshette and Don Rickles! (Part 1)”]

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
friday, july 19, 2024 at 1:28:00 p.m. edt

Johnny: We’re back. One of the finest comics, since the late 1950s, is our next guest. Making his debut on The Afterlife Tonight Show—which means he’s freshly dead—please welcome Bob Newhart and his friends, Don Rickles and Suzanne Pleshette (standing ovation).

Rickles (running around the stage): Where’s Frank? That’s who they said was gonna be out here tonight. Where is he? Oh, hi, Bob—have YOU seen Frank? I wouldn’t be here if I'd known Frank was gonna be a no-show.

Bob: H-H-Hello, Don, n-n-no, haven’t seen Frank.

Suzanne: Hi, Bob, Don.

Bob: Hi, S-S-Suzanne, you l-l-look gorgeous, I can’t say the s-s-same for Don.

Rickles: Who CARES? I’m not THAT LONELY! You finally croaked, huh Newhart?

Johnny: Yes, it took you a while to get here, Bob—94?

Bob: W-W-Well, I still had a career, John. If you’d have stayed on The T-T-Tonight Show for a few more years, m-m-maybe you could have lasted into YOUR nineties.

Rickles: That’s right—and probably gotten married and divorced ten more times. You could have changed your name to Zsa Zsa Carson.

Johnny: Zsa Zsa Carson?

Rickles: YES, Zsa Zsa Carson—do I have to explain it to you? Are you a DUMMY?

Bob: I-I-I think he wanted a better joke, Don.

Johnny: Thank you, Bob, for explaining the obvious to Mr. Warmth.

Rickles: Hey, I’ve been dead for 8 years, I’m a little rusty.

Johnny: And moldy. MAKEUP—especially on that shiny forehead.

(Rickles laughs.)

Johnny: Well, time's up for this show, anything else you’d like to say, Bob?

Bob: Am-am-am I in hell? If Rickles is here… (audience laughs).

Suzanne: No, Bob, it’s just the Afterlife.

Bob: B-B-Because I thought, maybe that meatloaf I ate on Ash Wednesday in 1958...

Suzanne: That’s not the way it works, Bob.

Johnny: Okay, thanks to my guests tonight, we’ll dig up Dr. Ruth and Richard Simmons for you tomorrow. Good night. everyone.

THE END.