“Godfather” Lasorda “gets whacked” by GM Brodie “Corleone” van Wagenen, after Another Mets Non-Victory

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
Wednesday, April 22, 2020 at 3:32:00 A.M. EDT

When legendary manager Tommy Lasorda remarked in an interview, after being hired by Mets’ GM Brodie Van Wagenen, that a) he wanted Ron Cey to bat fifth and b) Frank Sinatra and Don Rickles would help him manage his first baseball game in 24 years, reporters scoffed (to put it mildly).

But sure enough, on Tuesday night, there was 72-year-old Ron Cey penciled in at 3rd base and hitting fifth in Lasorda's line-up—thanks to assistant GM Allard Baird’s good hearing and a deep sense of admiration for Lasorda.

Baird overheard the Lasorda press conference, and then called Cey in California.

Baird found out Cey was in decent shape for a man in his early 70s and convinced “The Penguin” to come to New York, by repeating one famous phrase:

“The Godfather (Lasorda’s nickname) is making you an offer you can’t refuse.”

Cey responded, “Godfather wants me on the Mets? I’m in.”

Baird followed that move by hiring Sinatra impersonator Brian Dupree and Rickles lookalike Mike Walter to greet Lasorda in the dugout—in full Mets’ uniforms.

“Where the hell have you guys been?” Lasorda said, as he hugged the fake celebrities, “Come on, we have a game to win.”

Faux Sinatra sang the national anthem, phony Rickles told phony Sinatra “You don’t sound like yourself tonight-you sound better!”—and the game began.

Fortunately for Cey, Lasorda, “Sinatra,” “Rickles” and the rest of the Mets, Michael Wacha was on his game—either striking out or forcing popups of the opposing Pittsburgh Pirates’ batters.

Two hits were allowed—slow rollers to the left side of the infield—which Cey waved at, but that was all.

Pirates’ ace Mitch Keller was just as effective through six and a scoreless tie was the result, heading to the top of the seventh.

Back-to-back home runs by Gregory Polanco and Josh Bell catapulted the Pirates to a 2-0 lead, which held up until the bottom of the ninth.

Reliever Juan Nicasio struck out Robinson Cano and Yoenis Cespedes for the first two outs, bringing up Pete Alonso.

In a move sure to be talked about for years, Pirate manager Derek Shelton held out four fingers—for an intentional walk of Alonso, in order to face longtime AARP member, Cey, hitless in three at-bats, with comical swings that had Met’s fans stampeding to their cars, in complete hopelessness.

But Cey somehow, some way, connected with a Nicasio change-up and sent a majestic fly ball over 400 feet to left centerfield and over the fence, tying the game up at 2—and the crowd poured back into Citi Field to cheer Ron Cey’s heroics.

This extravaganza went to extra innings—and then more extra innings-
and then even more. Twenty-seven total innings were racked up with no runs scored, and at 3 a.m. the game was stopped, due to fog.

Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred declared the game suspended.

Afterwards, a sleeping Lasorda “got whacked” (fired) by Van Wagenen, Cey announced that, without Lasorda as manager, he was retiring—effective immediately—and the Mets remained at 0-18.

The suspended game will be finished up before the regularly scheduled contest.

Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger were hired as co-managers, to which Ahhhnold joked, “We should be managing the Twins—like that movie we did together.”

Two more losses seem likely on Wednesday.
--GRA