By Grand Rapids Anonymous
monday, april 7, 2025 at 7:30:00 p.m. edt
Is it Recession Island or not? Billionaires Gilligan (Bill Ackman) and the professor (Jamie Dimon) yell about Trump's tariffs, but the Skipper (Trump) will hear none of it
GRA: Is it Recession Island or not? The cast of characters on this show are making themselves heard about President Trump's attempt to balance the trade deficit. Lookalikes for Bob Denver and Russell Johnson gave their opinions today. For instance, Gilligan (Ackman) offered: "I didn't vote for tariffs," and the Professor (Dimon) declared, "These tariff battles must end quickly.''
Mr. Howell(Stanley Druckenmiller) opined, "By George, this could be economic nuclear war! I do not support more than 10% tariffs."
Ginger and Mary Ann were not available for comment, but the Skipper (POTUS) told everyone "to be patient" (and we might avoid getting shipwrecked on Recession Island).
Episode two is being filmed as we speak.
--GRA
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TRUMP CAVES IN ON TARIFF WAR--STOCKS EXPLODE HIGHER
GRA:Obviously,stock losses causing a rethink for Trump and company.
(Zh)Update (1320ET): And Trump finds an off-ramp for non-retaliating countries...
Based on the lack of respect that China has shown to the World's Markets, I am hereby raising the Tariff charged to China by the United States of America to 125%, effective immediately.
At some point, hopefully in the near future, China will realize that the days of ripping off the U.S.A., and other Countries, is no longer sustainable or acceptable.
Conversely, and based on the fact that more than 75 Countries have called Representatives of the United States, including the Departments of Commerce, Treasury, and the USTR, to negotiate a solution to the subjects being discussed relative to Trade, Trade Barriers, Tariffs, Currency Manipulation, and Non Monetary Tariffs, and that these Countries have not, at my strong suggestion, retaliated in any way, shape, or form against the United States,
I have authorized a 90 day PAUSE, and a substantially lowered Reciprocal Tariff during this period, of 10%, also effective immediately.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
ZH:The result is a massive surge in US equity markets (up 7-9%)...
--GRA
RECESSION ISLAND SECOND SHOW(and theme song)
GRA:President Trump called those worried about the stock market's losses,"Panicans",the other day. I don't know if he invented the word,but it turned out that Washington D.C. and Wall Street are full of Panicans
Theme from Recession Island(sung to Gilligan's Island)
Let's hear the tale of the Trump tariffs,
They went bye bye for now,
It looked like POTUS changed his mind,
Stock market made him bow.
The whole thing was a mighty plan,
The Skipper was so sure,
He'd place big tariffs on imports,
Our trade gap would be cured,
Our trade gap would be cured.
(Lightning ,thunder)
But the Asian markets sold our bonds,
Stock indexes seemed doomed,
If not for the fact,Trump changed his course,
A dark,black Wednesday loomed,
A dark,black Wednesday loomed.
The day wound up in the stratosphere,
It might stay here a while.
With the President,
Europe's relieved,
Those Asian fears,
Did subside.
What will we see,
In the days ahead,
To avoid Recession Isle?
Cast:Gilligan(billionaire,Bill Ackman)
Skipper(Donald Trump)
Professor(Jamie Dimon)
Mr.Howell(Stanley Druckenmiller)
Ginger,Mary Ann and Mrs.Howell are bimbos.
Gilligan:Skipper,Skipper.
Skipper: What IS it,Gilligan?
Gilligan:The Asian markets are blowing up.
Skipper:Don't be a panican,Gilligan(laughs)
Professor:No,he's right,Skipper. It's a potential financial contagion that will hit the U.S. markets hard.
Howell:EGADS,Skipper--DOOO something,my portfolio is almost as near and dear to me as my teddy bear.
Gilligan:Me too,Skipper--except I've got a harem of supermodels WEARING teddies.
Professor:And I also.
Skipper:It's gonna be bad,huh?
Gilligan:Huuuuge.
Skipper:Okay,I'll call Liberace...
Professor:Who?
Skipper:Our treasury secretary.
Gilligan:I knew who he meant.
Skipper:And tell him to pause the tariffs.
Gilligan:Hooray--we're saved!
(Later that day)
(At a press conference)
Skipper:I'm still being tough on CHI-na.
Gilligan(to the Professor):Until they figure out how to cause a market implosion.
Professor:That'll be our next show.
("Here on Panican Island")
--GRA
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