The Greatest Recipe for Cooking Tofu that You’ll Ever See!

Friend sent T'giving recipe: How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill, smoke or deep fry some meat

— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) November 20, 2016

At my undergraduate alma mater, SUNY Stony Brook, my roommate of choice, best friend, business partner and romantic rival, Larry Schiller, was a vegetarian. (See? I am tolerant! I never harmed him.)

Larry, who was also such a Zionist that he answered the phone saying, “Shalom,” and resented my saying anything in Yiddish, or with a Yiddish accent (like “gesundehait”), thought that being a veg made him morally superior. My response? “Oh, like Hitler.”

(Most people, then and now, anti-Semitic, philo-Semitic, or otherwise, have always considered me a Zionist, due to my support for Israel’s right to survive and thrive. However, my impression was that über-Zionists like Larry considered Yiddish the language of losers. Now, if the Jews of the Warsaw ghetto had invented nukes, he might have felt differently.)

Larry’s dream was to produce tofu food that tasted just like chicken and beef. The problem is that, in order to make tofu that tastes like real food, you had to add toxic amounts of MSG.

My suggestion? Eat real food. That way, you don’t have to be like Hitler, and you drastically reduce your chances of stroking out.

Unless, that is, you want to be like Hitler.