Check Out the MLK Day Parade!

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
Monday, January 20, 2020 at 12:21:00 P.M. EST

I’m waiting for SOME CITY to start an MLK Parade. If they do, here’s what it might be like:

“Hey y’all, this is Oprah Winfrey, along with Lesta Holt, Al Sharpton, and token whitey Jenna Bush, welcoming you to the first annual Martin Luther King Day parade—yayyyyyy.”

Holt: We have plenty of floats, bands, and entertainment for you, right, Al?

Sharpton: If that’s what the teleprompter says Lesta... actually, I think I should be the person getting this parade named for him.

Holt: Jenna,why are you here—you’re WHITE!

Bush: My daddy said I needed to experience more black life—and NBC wanted diversity, so I volunteered.

Oprah: Very admirable, Jenna. Oh, look our first float—from Chicago, Illinois—“Blacks Getting Along,” is what it’s called, Lesta.

Holt: Yes, we all know that blacks are peaceful people, quiet and law- abiding. This float shows a nice neighborhood on the south side of Chicago...

Bush: Wait, what’s happening on that float—those two black individuals are fighting. THEY HAVE GUNS! (gunshots)

Holt: I don’t see anything, do you Oprah?

Oprah: No, nothing. A beautiful float.

Bush: I think that one guy is DEAD.

Sharpton: I think I heard firecrackers, Oprah.

Oprah: Me, too, Al. That’s all it was.

Holt: Here comes a marching band from Philadelphia, playing some beautiful rap music.

Bush: Isn’t that awfully loud? Oprah, LOOK—that drummer just assaulted the only white person in the band! There’s blood coming out of his head.

Oprah: I think the sun is in your lily-white eyes, Jenna. What you just said doesn’t happen to whites, because of blacks, does it, Lesta?

Holt: Not that I report on my newscast, Oprah.

Sharpton: Did you see that white guy in the band, try to punch a brotha? I smell a lawsuit.

Bush: This parade is horrible.

Oprah: It’s a wonderful parade (cut her mike, please).

Holt: And now another float—this one from Baltimore—which has made great progress in reducing crime to ZERO the past 6 months. This float is entitled, “Baltimore is Back”—and features a 30-foot Baltimore Oriole giving money to black teenagers.

Bush: Those thugs are robbing that Oriole! They have guns... (gunshots).

Oprah: I told you to cut her microphone.

Holt: An uneventful, perfectly organized parade. Right, Oprah? Jenna, anything wrong?

Bush: Help me, these blacks are attacking me.

Holt: That’s what MLK would do to a white bee—ach—and remember, it’s all for the purpose of peace and brotherhood between races. And on that note, we must sign off—as the giant MLK float drives by—thanks to Oprah, Al, and Jenna Bush—who got to learn about blacks firsthand today.

Oprah: See you next year for the SECOND MLK parade. Bye, y’all.
--GRA