32 Bizarre but Hilarious Jokes

Re-posted by Nicholas Stix

Found at YADBW.

I’m guessing that app. 6.5 billion people read or heard these before me, but that still leaves a billion readers.

Corrected for punctuation, capitalization, and repetition. With apologies to the stand-up comics whom the previous posters ripped off. Some of this stuff sounds like Steven Wright’s material.


1. Call Pizza Hut, and ask for the phone number to Domino’s.

2. Order a pizza five minutes before New Year’s, and when it comes yell, “I ordered this thing a year ago!”

3. Go to a public bathroom with chocolate on your hands. Reach under the next stall, and ask for toilet paper.

4. Inhale some helium, walk up behind a little kid, and say “Follow the yellow brick road!”

5. When someone says “Have a nice day!” stare at them and say, “Don’t tell me what to do!”

6. Make a cardboard car and go through a local drive-through, then act as if everything’s normal.

7. Hide in a clothing rack in Walmart, and when somebody goes by yell, “Pick me! Pick me!”

8. Go to Ikea, hide in a closet until someone walks by, jump out and yell “I’m back from Narnia!”

9. Go to the vet with a can of mashed tuna and ask, “Can you fix him?”

10. Point into the sky and say, “Look a dead bird,” and see how many look.

11. Pretend to pass out in a busy place. When someone touches you, scream “I was sleeping!,” and run away.

12. Dress up as an M&M, then run through the mall yelling, “The skittles are coming!”

13. Go to a pet shop, and ask for a cow.

14. In an elevator with many people in it, say “You may be wondering why I’ve gathered you here today.”

15. Make loud groans in a public bathroom, then drop a cantaloupe in the toilet and sigh in relief.

16. Drive a tricycle past a cop while drinking a juice pouch screaming, “You can’t catch me!”

17. When you’re at school and someone talks on the P.A. system say loudly, “I’m hearing those voices again!”

18. Call Pizza Hut. Talk about the difficulties of being a vegetarian, then order a pepperoni pizza.

19. Show people a picture of yourself and ask them if they have seen this person.

20. Put up a “Lost Dog” poster with a picture of a cat on it.

21. In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, “They’re onto us. We need to go.”

22. Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on, ask if they have an appointment.

23. Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout, “I want that one, Mommy!”

24. When someone says, “Grab a seat,” literally grab a chair and walk out of the room.

25. Fill a bucket with bouncy balls and dump them down a stair well with people in it and yell, “My balls!”

26. Go into the middle of a crowd and call out a random name and see who replies.

27. Place a walkie-talkie in your mail box, and then when someone walks by, scream.

28. Buy an ice cream, ask the cashier if she believes in unicorns, and then squish the cone on your forehead.

29. Hire a taxi. When the man asks you where you want to go, say “To infinity, and beyond!”

30. Dress as a chicken, go to KFC and shout at people, “You’re eating my babies!”

31. Super glue a quarter to the floor and see how many people try to pick it up.

32. Pick up a bag of sliced turkey in a store and scream, “What have they done to you?!”