“Ex-wife of real-life 'wolf' and murderer, Ted Kennedy--Joan Kennedy--dies at 89”]
By Grand Rapids Anonymous
friday, october 10, 2025 at 2:46:00 a.m. edt
The Afterlife Dating Game, with Ted Kennedy and Host Don Rickles
Rickles: Welcome to my latest show, "The Afterlife Dating Game. I'm hosting because, what else do I have to do until Carson gives me a call? And I'm looking for loser broads who don't get selected on this show--I'm kidding, Barbara.
Let's meet our bachelorettes. Number one is Joan Kennedy, #2 is Mary Jo Kopechne, and #3 is Helga Wagner. Let's meet our bachelor right now.
(Music plays)
Our first contestant is a former Senator from Massachusetts and in his last few years on Earth, got to be almost as large--girthwise--as the entire state, welcome Ted Kennedy.
Kennedy: Uhh, thank you, Don.
Rickles: You have three unattached women on the other side of the cloud partition. You ask questions and then choose who you want to go on a date with--uhh wait a minute, bachelorettes numbers 1 and 2 just walked off the stage.
Kopechne: Drunken murderer!
Joan Kennedy: Cheater and murderer! Goodbye!
Kennedy: Err uhh, who's left?
Rickles: Helga Wagner, it says on my card.
Kennedy: My MISTRESS? What kind of lousy game is this? I can boink her anytime.
Wagner: Not TODAY, I'm leaving, too.
Rickles: How about dating the host, Helga?
Wagner: Get lost.
Rickles: I'll put that down as a "yes." Good night, everyone, and may all your dates have a little afterlife to them. Good night.
END
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