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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Why I Cannot Read Ann Coulter

By Nicholas Stix

I generally avoid reading Ann Coulter’s columns, though not for the reasons given by socialists and communists who have never read her: She’s nasty, stupid, suffers from hysteria, etc. (Full disclosure: I have never met, spoken, or corresponded with Coulter.)

The reason I can’t read her columns is that, although she’s funnier than I am, we’re spiritual twins. We’re practically identical: She’s tall and slender, while I’m … not; she’s a Christian, while I’m a Jew; she has oodles of long, blonde hair, while what’s left of mine is short and brown; she’s a lawyer, while I hate lawyers (and I’m not one); she’s every bit a lady, while I’m most definitely a man (except for when the wife casts doubt on that status); and while in a previous life, she was a Borscht Belt comic, in a previous life, I was a Borscht Belt busboy. But other than that, if you saw us standing next to each other, you couldn’t tell us apart.

I try to read only old columns of hers, so there’s no conflict of interest, but a couple of times a year I make the mistake of reading her current column.

Yesterday, I was thinking about how someone needs to start investigating the people investigating folks like Joe the Plumber, and the people making phony ethics complaints against, and maligning the children of Sarah Palin. But I didn’t write any of that, and I wasn’t even close to ready to say that. (If you must know, I was chicken to go that far.)

And then I went and read her newest column, “Forgetting Sarah Palin”:

Democrats are a party of women, and nothing drives them off their gourds like a beautiful Christian conservative. (How much money has that other beautiful born-again, Carrie Prejean, been forced to spend on lawyers to respond to liberal hysteria?)

So the motives are clear, but the money is not. Who is paying the rent for the losers filing all these frivolous complaints against Palin?

At least when Richard Mellon Scaife was funding investigations of Bill Clinton, we knew who Scaife was, he was an American citizen, and his money was accessible to U.S. tax authorities and not stashed in offshore accounts like a certain Hungarian Nazi-collaborator I can name.

How about some modern-day Scaife investigate the investigators?

1 comment:

Carlos Perera said...

I enjoyed you witty paean to Ms. Coulter. I too am an avid fan of her vigorous polemical style, especially as she does not hold back the heavy artillery when she lambastes the pretensions, mendacities, and irrationalities of the leftist pseudo-intelligentsia. As the Cuban folk aphorism has it, "She has no hairs on her tongue," i.e., she is disinhibited when she lets loose with her verbal barrages. And, on top of everything--as you have so keenly observed--she is certainly easy on the eyes.

Best regards from Florida,
Carlos Perera