Lester Holt Fired by NBC for Being “too racist”

NBC Universal Press Release

NBC’s News Division announced the immediate removal of “Nightly News” anchor Lester Holt for “failing to provide fair, objective news coverage in many areas that NBC found lacking. This includes politics, crime/lifestyle, law enforcement officers, and in general, being too racist.

“We apologize to our viewers. A review of the last year of Mr. Holt's broadcasts were reviewed and found to be very troubling—by our newly hired consultant, Patrick J. Buchanan. Further investigation and feedback brought us to the conclusion that Mr. Holt was perpetrating a racist agenda on our viewers. This is unacceptable for a network that has had legendary anchors of objectivity in the past.

“We will strive to get to that level of greatness again, and to that end have relieved Miguel Almaguer, Rahema Ellis, Ron Mott, and Christine Welker of their duties. More changes are in the offing.

“A search for a permanent anchor will begin immediately. Once again, our apologies to America.”

Definitely—April Fools.

--Grand Rapids Anonymous