The Mary Tyler Moore Show, 2023: “Crime is All Around” (opening theme)

Career criminal Nisean Graves (bigger guy in homeless uniform of a winter coat on a warm day) murdering shirtless, as yet nameless vic; invisible person walks by, focusing on its smart phone; it was 8:15 a.m., on June 8th, at the intersection of west 28th street and seventh avenue. That was in manhattan, not minneapolis. Note that if Mary Tyler Moore were still alive, she'd have been 86 at the time of this crime.


[Previously: “(Updated) Photos of rotten apple crime: one raceless man murders another during rush hour in midtown manhattan (check out the invisible person!): I suspect there are more lives that don’t matter to me in this incident; the daily mail and the post have both blocked comments, but we haven’t!”]

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
wednesday, june 21, 2023 at 1:15:00 p.m. edt

The Mary Tyler Moore Show, 2023

“Crime is All Around” (opening theme)

Who can live in a city like this with a smile?
Who can live in a neighborhood,
Where blacks can be seen,
More than once in a while.

Well the crime there has gone ballistic,
But you girl, you never,
Became fatalistic,
Crime is all around and you have seen it,
Crime is all around, you move between it,
So far you’ve made it through it all,
So far you’ve gotten through it all.

(Newsroom, Lou Grant comes out of his office)

Lou: Mary, where’s Ted?

Mary: Ohh, Mr. Grant, he’s been kidnapped by black terrorists.

Lou: Good—where’s Murray?

Mary: Ohh, Mr. Grant, he was robbed and assaulted by black thugs.

Lou: Damn blacks—I hate to ask, but what do the terrorists want in return for Ted?

Mary: It started out as a million dollars…

Lou: And now?

Mary: Ten McMeals from McDonald’s and someone to pick him up within the hour—and hurry—they said.

Lou: No deal, let’s wait until they buy US some food.

Mary: Are you sure, Mr. Grant?

(He nods.)

Lou: Yeah.

(Phone rings—Mary answers.)

Mary: You’d like us to make a counter offer? Well, we want five meal deals—and we’ll pick him up in 20 minutes. Okay, Mr. Grant?

Lou: Okay—send Gordy over to get him—I’ll have my hamburger with everything but pickle—I’m on a diet.

(A half-hour later, Ted walks in, with Murray not too far behind.)

Ted: Hi, guys, thanks for paying the ransom.

Lou (biting into his burger): No problem, Ted—I was hungry.

Murray: I need a burger, too.

Mary: Here you are, Murray.

Ted: Isn’t that the fourth time you were robbed this year, Murr?

Murray: Isn’t that the sixth time you were kidnapped, Ted? And the fifth time we got food out of it?

Ted: We’re talking ABOUT YOU, Murray!

Lou: Come on, let’s finish eating and get to work—we have a news show to produce. I hate to have to remind you—since nbc bought us out and changed our call letters from WJM to WOKE—we can’t mention the two incidents that happened today.

Mary: Ohh, Mr. Grant, the news has become so...

Lou: I know, Mary, but it’s payday tomorrow.

Mary: Thanks, Mr. Grant, you always know how to cheer me up.

Lou: That’s what commie actors who play conservative bosses are supposed to do. Okay, people, we’re on-air in one hour—let’s get moving.

The End.