How to be Safe, and Save Money, in the Good, Old, US of A (Humor)

Re-posted by Nicholas Stix

Thanks to reader-researcher RC for the sendalong.
 

SAFE AT LAST
(Anonymous, probably ripped off from a stand-up comic)

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on e-bay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.

Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on e-bay) and put it in the CENTER of the yard. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT charged me.

Plus, I bought burkas for my family when we shop or travel. Everyone moves out of way, and security can't pat us down. Safe at last – only in the USA!