The Mental Lives of Cats and Dogs

Posted by Nicholas Stix

A reader at Taki’s Magazine, Pat Kittle, posted this at an interesting essay called, “The Ancient Contract Between Man and Wolf,” by a writer new to me—Alexander Fiske-Harrison (at least under that name).

The original source may be here.


EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00am - Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30am - Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40am - Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30am - Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30am - Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00pm - Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00pm - Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00pm - Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30pm - Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00pm - Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30am - Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30pm - Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
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EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...