Edie Falco Asks: “Who the Hell is Kim Kardashian?” Answer: Someone Who’s Eight Times as Popular as Barack Obama, That’s Who!

 
One tertiary and two quaternary celebrities.
 
By Nicholas Stix

Anonymous interviewer: So it’s safe to say you don’t watch much reality TV.

Edie Falco: No, not a big fan. Like, forgive me, I don’t know if you’re friends with her — but who the hell is Kim Kardashian? Like, who are these people and why are they famous and why are they advertising things and being asked their opinions about things? I just don’t understand what these people did to be in a position of having everyone ask their opinions about stuff. I mean, if there’s something about her personality or something that she’s accomplished or her philosophy on something — but beyond that I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s actually frightening.

Chat Room, New York Magazine, June 7, 2011.

As a public service, I am going to answer Edie Falco’s question. Kim Kardashian is a tertiary celebrity, two murders removed, which is like being a third cousin, two murders removed.

The celebrity in question is black double-murderer O.J. Simpson. When a black-dominated jury acquitted Simpson in 1995 of the grisly 1994 murders of his white ex-wife Nicole and her white friend, Ron Goldman, in spite of a mountain of incriminating evidence, Simpson’s lack of any alibi, and his attempted escape to Mexico, millions of blacks celebrated across America.

The secondary celebrity is Kim Kardashian’s father, the late Robert “Bobby” Kardashian, whose celebrity derived entirely from being friends with Simpson, hosting him in his home after Simpson’s indictment for the murders, aiding and abetting his escape attempt to Mexico, and from sitting by Simpson’s side daily in court during the latter’s murder trial.

Kim Kardashian’s “celebrity” is thus entirely derived from that of the double-murderer.

O.J. Simpson has an almost Genesis-level status as a begetter of celebrityhood.

Kim Kardashian’s breasts, which consist of almost 100 percent man-made material, have a life of their own. They exist as independent, quaternary celebrities, two murders removed.

Kim Kardashian has leveraged O.J. Simpson’s celebrity by engaging the services of various high-priced plastic surgeons, using over 20 pounds of make-up per year, sleeping with various black and partially black men, and filming her derivative life as a role in “reality” TV series with other tertiary and quaternary celebrities, two murders removed, sharing her last name.

For a white female celebrity of any level, the publicity value gained through sleeping with black men is priceless. The media love white women who do this, and give them positive saturation coverage. The only way a white female celebrity not sleeping with black men can compete for publicity with one who does is to surround herself with little black children from sub-Saharan Africa, à la Angelina Jolie and Madonna Ciccone. The practice of black men of minor celebrity status sleeping with white females of derivative celebrityhood is also rewarded by the media with enhanced status. Thus, millions of people know of “Ray J” and Kris Humphries (see below) only because of their having been sexually linked to Kardashian.

The greatest source of Kim Kardashian’s fame, beyond her derivation from O.J. Simpson, is due to her having made a pornographic videotape with her black then-boyfriend, the modestly successful singer “Ray J.” (William Ray Norwood Jr., the brother of singer Brandy Norwood.)

When the videotape was circulated, Kardashian sued Vivid Entertainment, alleging that the company had violated her “right to privacy.” Vivid reportedly paid her a settlement of almost $5 million, though it is hard for this observer to understand why Vivid paid Kardashian, rather than the other way around, since the publicity was priceless, and it was publicity she sought.

Kim Kardashian is currently engaged to a partially black NBA player named Kris Humphries. Rumors have for months circulated that she is pregnant, but she has steadfastly denied that she is expecting.

Googling under the name “Kim Kardashian” returned 211 million hits. Figuring that to be a fluke, I googled under “Barack Obama,” for purposes of comparison, and came up with only 26.1 million hits. Still not believing the results, I repeated the process, with the same results.
Three sets of attempts returned three identical results. (A search of Google images alone for “Kim Kardashian” returned 25.7 million hits.)

So, there you have it: In terms of Google metrics, Kim Kardashian is over eight times as popular and influential as “Barack Obama.”

No one is aware of what Kim Kardashian really looks like, what materials she has been constructed out of, any talent she might possess, and how much DNA she shares with humans, if indeed she contains any DNA.